Jesus: Yum, yum, eat him up!

 

I had considered writing a nice Ostara post last week about creating a fertility spell with Scotch eggs, but I spent my time instead drinking Scotch and watching Justified.  So, here we are.  When I was a Christian, the Maundy Thursday (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maundy_Thursday) service was one of my favorites.  First of all, there was no preaching (Presbyterians don’t preach unless there’s a cause to).  Second of all, we got to eat Jesus.  Third of all, the Maundy Thursday service is extremely creepy and unsettling if done properly.  Our church organist would make these horrendous, blood curdling sounds come from her organ when the scripture about the earth quake was read and the whole sanctuary was pitched into darkness.

While there are many popular traditions with Pagan roots that have been adopted by or continued by Christians, the Eucharist is probably the most hard-core.  I’ve often wondered if Jesus knew about things like Dionysian myths when he was setting the scene for the Last Supper.  Pagans seem to have all different views about Jesus from he was completely fictional to he is just another name for the God.  Personally, I think Jesus was a real man with real followers and real problems but that he was no more the Son of God than I am a daughter of God.  Yes, as we all know from the chant, we all come from the Goddess, but we’re not Messiahs.  I think he talked a really good talk and created a religion just like Gerald Gardner did based on what people wanted to believe in a repressed society.

 

The following link got passed along to me: http://cavalorn.livejournal.com/585924.html

He has some interesting points, but like a lot of people, he misses the greater point.  The point is not whether modern Pagans erroneously attribute universal fertility symbols to a little known or completely fabricated goddess, the point is that all the things that make Easter “fun” are Pagan. There may not be an unbroken lineage, but Jesus didn’t miraculous turn into a rabbit once he was crucified.  So, if it’s not in the Bible it must be Pagan (or so they want us to believe).   The egg, however, could be argued not to be Pagan.  A Jewish Sadar is the type of meal that was served to Jesus and his apostles at the Last Supper.  I wonder why artistic depictions never show matzoh being served and why there is never an empty seat for Elijah?

The sadar egg doesn’t represent fertility.  Instead it represents its opposite–destruction–which is vital for balance.

 

I hope everyone sent Tucker and Tammy an awesome Ostara symbol.  As promised, I went the cheap and easy route and mailed them plastic eggs.  There were no bow ties, however, because it turns out I’m not that crafty!

These folks want a Lambbit:

 

 

 

 

 

Mystic Artisanshttps://www.facebook.com/mysticartisans

Passion And Soulhttp://passionandsoul.com/

Knotjokin Rope Floggershttp://www.knotjokin.etsy.com

Tonia Brown:  www.thebackseatwriter.com

To Hunt the Cunt and Other Country Matters, Part 4: Don’t tan me like that!

Mood music as you read: Dark as a Dungeonhttp://chriseaglemusic.weebly.com/

http://www.amazon.com/Skin-Trade-ebook/dp/B007PCVFDC (really click this to look inside)

Trapping is a sensitive, divisive subject.  Most people either recoil when you talk about animal trapping (especially using traps that are not live traps), or people will vehemently defend their right to trap.  And to be honest, personally, I’m torn.  I am intimate with trapping, but I numb myself to the necessary grim reality of the practice to be able to continue my intimacy.

Most of the animals that are fur bearers in the United States are not eaten; they’re only harvested for their fur.  That’s not to say that some trappers don’t also eat the animal, but it’s not the norm.  Animals who are caught in traps are sometimes shot, but they are usually killed with a blow to the head  with a blunt object–like a baseball bat or an ax handle.  With skunks, the animal must first be hit in the middle of its back so that the spine is broken and it cannot spray the trapper before it’s finally killed.

Some traps are laid with bait, but some traps are simple hidden in high traffic areas (like on the way to a watering hole).  Because of this and the fact that the trapper has little control over which animal actually becomes trapped, trapping carries its own unique Karmic price.  If the trapper traps something, like a raccoon, that is edible and he or she decides to eat it, then karmically speaking, things aren’t so heavy because all the parts are being used.  If a trapper doesn’t use the meat, obviously there’s instant karmic ripples due to the waste.  There’s also the Karma of laying a trap that the animal has little choice about stepping into.  If the trap is in plain view, whether it’s baited or not, there’s still some choice in the matter.  If the trap is hidden under water or leaf litter (as is very common and is why most traps appear rusty) and it’s on a path that the animal would naturally follow, there’s no choice at all.  Also, one must consider the need of a warm pelt versus the want of a warm pelt.

So where does that leave us as Pagans.  Having a blanket statement of “trapping is wrong and should be made illegal” is not the answer.  Obviously, trapping goes against the Wiccan Rede, but not all Pagans follow the Rede, and it is rarely interpreted the same way twice.  Think about all the Pagans that like to have an Arctic fox tail tied to their asses at festivals and events.  Most of those tails came from animals on fur farms.  Are fur farms really any better than trapping?  Is it better to wear the tail of an animal from a fur farm as opposed to one given to you by a trapper?  Something to ponder for a future entry.

Prolific zombie, steampunk, weird West, and Pagan author, Tonia Brown, has taken on the issue of trapping in her novel Skin Trade, which was published earlier this year.  Skin Trade is set in the second half of the nineteenth century, after the Great Undead Uprising of 1870.  Once again our government has fucked up.  In an attempt to control Native American populations (a la small pox blankets), a virus has been introduced that has wiped out most of the Native American population and a good portion of the settlers in the West.  The Badlands are now zombie central, and the government and army have now allowed trappers into the area. Sounds a lot like how DNR is handling the coyote outbreak.

So what do you do with a trapped zombie?  You dispatch it, of course, and tan its hide.  Just like the Nazis and ancient grimoire makers, Americans now see zombie skin as a fine luxury item.

Some may read this story simply as a good weird West or zombie story.  Others may read this as a story about a troubled girl coming into womanhood in uncertain times and draw all kinds of parallels between today’s young ladies and Samantha Martin.  I, however, see this as a story about a little whore being faced with yet another unpleasant side of humanity, and having to deal with the fact that she wishes she had a penis a majority of the time.  Freud, you have it all wrong.  Penis envy occurs when you need to aim urine into a trap, and you’re tired of always having to spread your legs.

If you’re even vaguely interested in trapping and the humanity behind it, then join Tonia Brown’s ragtag team of little whores, ex-slaves, milk sops, and sadistic tyrants on a fast paced romp through the Badlands in Skin Trade.  (Oh, and there’s a goat in there too!)

Be a good reader and get trapped into clicking on these fine folks’ links:

Quadrivium Supplies  http://www.quadrivium-supplies.com

Erotic Sensations http://eroticsensations.us/

Tonia Brown www.thebackseatwriter.com

Labor Day Libertine http://ldl.tribussolvo.org/home
The Geeky Kink Event http://thegeekykinkevent.com/

 

 

 

 

Squeeze My Melons and Plow My Furrow, Part 5: What Zombies Like to Eat

Zombies like to eat people, and not in the same why that I like to eat people.  They like to eat fresh, live people. According to Wiccan author Tonia Brown, who has made a name for herself in the horror, zombie, steam punk, and smut genres, zombies will also eat other live animals.  The key word here, though, is live.
Zombies historically have been cannibals.  As humans, we have a deep aversion to cannibalism, even when it’s done for absolute survival and the cannibalized person died of natural causes.  Why is this?  Is it because if we engage in cannibalism then we give in to our primal selves and become more animal-like than human-like?  Other animals engage in cannibalism, why shouldn’t we?

There are many cultures around the world that engage in different forms of cannibalism, from straight up killing your neighbor and putting him on the grill, to eating a dead monk’s brain to ingest his knowledge, to smoking a cremated relative’s ashes.  On a recent episode of Shameless, Frank and Monica smoked Grammy Gallagher’s cremated remains.

I’ve smoked remains before, as well as eaten them in brownies and drank them in Cuba Libres.  It’s a little gritty, on a lot of different levels, but considering all the things they do with cremated remains now (even packing them into empty ammo casings), it’s really not that odd.  What better way to honor a dead friend than to make them part of your body and engage in some sorta legal cannibalism?


Moral discussions about cannibalism, as well as the usual quest for food, is an all consuming drive in Tonia Brown’s new novel, Bad Ass Zombie Road Trip.

The novel is about two guys, Dale and Jonah , who fancy themselves musicians. On the way to a gig, things pretty much go to Hell in a beat up Ford Focus on the side of an interstate in California. Anyone who has been to or lived in California knows that the interstates there are Hell, so it should come as no surprise that the handsome devil Lucifer is roaming the asphalt. In a series of unfortunate, profanity laden events, things go from bad to worse as Jonah is swallowed up by a whale of a situation. The boys end up on a cross-country race against the clock to recover the most precious thing that Dale possesses (and it’s not his penis). Along the way, the boys learn that it’s almost impossible to outwit the Devil, they pick up a stripper named Candy, and they learn about the weird toilet phenomena that happens when a zombie eats human food.

This is a perfect electronic read for your spring break beach adventure or your summer road trip to visit the numerous over-priced Pagan festivals that are being planned as you read this review. Its light, raunchy prose will keep you amused and slightly aroused for hours on in while you bake yourself in the sand and sun or pretend to be interested in some over-hyped Pagan expert that charges several hundred dollars an hour to tell you how wiping your ass is no longer healthy and that Gaea doesn’t approve of Charmin toilet paper.

The only negative thing that I have to say about this novel is that Candy does not come across as a genuine Carolina girl. If she were really from the Carolinas then she would never have told the boys that to people who live on the board between North and South Carolina, that it doesn’t really matter which state you say you’re from. Yes it does Candy! It matters a great deal! As someone who has lived in both Carolinas, you learn from an early age that each state thinks it’s better than the other one. To people in South Carolina, everyone from North Carolina is in-bred and a redneck. To people in North Carolina, everyone in South Carolina is a snob and a crook. They’re very different places, Miss Candy. How about you don’t get caught in the rain and melt as you try to decided which Carolina you’re from, sugar foot!

For more information on real zombies, check out Zora Neale Hurston’s Tell My Horse. To purchase a copy of Bad Ass Zombie Road Trip visit: http://www.amazon.com/Badass-Zombie-Road-Trip-ebook/dp/B006ZAJ4M4.

Check out these awesome folks:
Sub-shop.com   http://bit.ly/subshop
Tonia Brown  www.thebackseatwriter.com