Jesus: Yum, yum, eat him up!


I had considered writing a nice Ostara post last week about creating a fertility spell with Scotch eggs, but I spent my time instead drinking Scotch and watching Justified.  So, here we are.  When I was a Christian, the Maundy Thursday ( service was one of my favorites.  First of all, there was no preaching (Presbyterians don’t preach unless there’s a cause to).  Second of all, we got to eat Jesus.  Third of all, the Maundy Thursday service is extremely creepy and unsettling if done properly.  Our church organist would make these horrendous, blood curdling sounds come from her organ when the scripture about the earth quake was read and the whole sanctuary was pitched into darkness.

While there are many popular traditions with Pagan roots that have been adopted by or continued by Christians, the Eucharist is probably the most hard-core.  I’ve often wondered if Jesus knew about things like Dionysian myths when he was setting the scene for the Last Supper.  Pagans seem to have all different views about Jesus from he was completely fictional to he is just another name for the God.  Personally, I think Jesus was a real man with real followers and real problems but that he was no more the Son of God than I am a daughter of God.  Yes, as we all know from the chant, we all come from the Goddess, but we’re not Messiahs.  I think he talked a really good talk and created a religion just like Gerald Gardner did based on what people wanted to believe in a repressed society.


The following link got passed along to me:

He has some interesting points, but like a lot of people, he misses the greater point.  The point is not whether modern Pagans erroneously attribute universal fertility symbols to a little known or completely fabricated goddess, the point is that all the things that make Easter “fun” are Pagan. There may not be an unbroken lineage, but Jesus didn’t miraculous turn into a rabbit once he was crucified.  So, if it’s not in the Bible it must be Pagan (or so they want us to believe).   The egg, however, could be argued not to be Pagan.  A Jewish Sadar is the type of meal that was served to Jesus and his apostles at the Last Supper.  I wonder why artistic depictions never show matzoh being served and why there is never an empty seat for Elijah?

The sadar egg doesn’t represent fertility.  Instead it represents its opposite–destruction–which is vital for balance.


I hope everyone sent Tucker and Tammy an awesome Ostara symbol.  As promised, I went the cheap and easy route and mailed them plastic eggs.  There were no bow ties, however, because it turns out I’m not that crafty!

These folks want a Lambbit:






Mystic Artisans

Passion And Soul

Knotjokin Rope Floggers

Tonia Brown:

A Symbolic Gesture: A Pagan Service Announcement








A special thanks to Catherine W. and Tony B. for making this post so cool!

Many of you have seen the above clip.  There’s a good chance that the above clip may not be on YouTube forever.  It seems like Fox News is doing a pretty good job of having them removed at a pretty steady rate.  Only the guilty want to hide the evidence.  I’m also sure that many of you have seen the link for the petition:

I could whine and pick apart the stupid fluff piece that Tammy and Tucker put together.  I could talk about how Tammy doesn’t realize that there’s a difference between eight and ten, that you don’t take Halloween off (you take the day after off!), and that atheists don’t celebrate anything in a religious manner.  I could rant about Tucker’s misguided concept that this is all about a war on Christianity, when really he should be focusing on the fact that a state supported school should honor the separation of church and state and that no one–regardless of being a member of a majority or minority religion–should be given a religious holiday (you get to take five days a semester anyway–fucking use them wisely!).  However, I’m not going to do that.  I’m not even going to encourage you to sign the apology petition.  Let’s face it, Fox News most likely isn’t going to issue a written apology, much less have anyone go on air and give face time to the matter.

My solution is simply to send Tucker and Tammy, care of Fox News, a symbolic gesture.  Tucker and Tammy can bitch and make fun of our holidays all they want, but all the cool traditions that they secretly look forward to with Christmas, Easter, New Years, and Thanksgiving come from Pagan roots.  Easter bunnies, chocolate, eggs, Christmas trees, presents, alcohol, fire crackers, Peeps, over-eating, bread–the list is endless.  They’re just too WASP to realize this.

So, send these insects a symbolic gesture.  Package up your favorite Pagan holiday symbol and mail it to them.  You can do it once, or you can do it for every turn of the wheel.  I’m going to be decorating plastic eggs with bow ties to send them for Ostara.  I’ll probably stuff them with condoms, just in case Tucker and Tammy don’t realize that Pagans were the ones to start advocating for safe and responsible sex.

Tammy Bruce and Tucker Carlson

c/o Fox News

1211 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10036








And FYI Tucker and Tammy:  You need the Pagans to be able to figure out when your Savior was nailed to a cross.  Easter is the first Sunday after the first full moon on or after the Vernal Equinox–not the same day every year like most deaths.  Dab some lamb’s blood on your lintel and think about that one!

These folks know that the only good use for a bow tie is as an impromptu cock ring: 

Mystic Artisans

Passion And Soul

Knotjokin Rope Floggers

Tonia Brown: