Jesus: Yum, yum, eat him up!

 

I had considered writing a nice Ostara post last week about creating a fertility spell with Scotch eggs, but I spent my time instead drinking Scotch and watching Justified.  So, here we are.  When I was a Christian, the Maundy Thursday (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maundy_Thursday) service was one of my favorites.  First of all, there was no preaching (Presbyterians don’t preach unless there’s a cause to).  Second of all, we got to eat Jesus.  Third of all, the Maundy Thursday service is extremely creepy and unsettling if done properly.  Our church organist would make these horrendous, blood curdling sounds come from her organ when the scripture about the earth quake was read and the whole sanctuary was pitched into darkness.

While there are many popular traditions with Pagan roots that have been adopted by or continued by Christians, the Eucharist is probably the most hard-core.  I’ve often wondered if Jesus knew about things like Dionysian myths when he was setting the scene for the Last Supper.  Pagans seem to have all different views about Jesus from he was completely fictional to he is just another name for the God.  Personally, I think Jesus was a real man with real followers and real problems but that he was no more the Son of God than I am a daughter of God.  Yes, as we all know from the chant, we all come from the Goddess, but we’re not Messiahs.  I think he talked a really good talk and created a religion just like Gerald Gardner did based on what people wanted to believe in a repressed society.

 

The following link got passed along to me: http://cavalorn.livejournal.com/585924.html

He has some interesting points, but like a lot of people, he misses the greater point.  The point is not whether modern Pagans erroneously attribute universal fertility symbols to a little known or completely fabricated goddess, the point is that all the things that make Easter “fun” are Pagan. There may not be an unbroken lineage, but Jesus didn’t miraculous turn into a rabbit once he was crucified.  So, if it’s not in the Bible it must be Pagan (or so they want us to believe).   The egg, however, could be argued not to be Pagan.  A Jewish Sadar is the type of meal that was served to Jesus and his apostles at the Last Supper.  I wonder why artistic depictions never show matzoh being served and why there is never an empty seat for Elijah?

The sadar egg doesn’t represent fertility.  Instead it represents its opposite–destruction–which is vital for balance.

 

I hope everyone sent Tucker and Tammy an awesome Ostara symbol.  As promised, I went the cheap and easy route and mailed them plastic eggs.  There were no bow ties, however, because it turns out I’m not that crafty!

These folks want a Lambbit:

 

 

 

 

 

Mystic Artisanshttps://www.facebook.com/mysticartisans

Passion And Soulhttp://passionandsoul.com/

Knotjokin Rope Floggershttp://www.knotjokin.etsy.com

Tonia Brown:  www.thebackseatwriter.com

To Hunt the Cunt and Other Country Matters

Hamlet: Lady, shall I lie in your lap?
Lying down at Ophelia’s feet.
Ophelia: No, my lord.
Hamlet: I mean, my head upon your lap?
Ophelia: Ay, my lord.
Hamlet: Do you think I meant country matters?
Ophelia: I think nothing, my lord.
Hamlet: That’s a fair thought to lie between maids’ legs. (Hamlet III.ii.111-20)
My Mistress’ Cunny

1. My mistress is a hive of bees
In yonder flowery Garden:
To her they come with loaden thighs,
To ease them of their burden.
As under the bee-hive lieth the wax,
And under the wax is honey,
So under her waist her belly is placed -
And under that, her cunny.

2. My mistress is a mine of gold,
Would that it were her pleasure
To let me dig within her mould
And roll among her treasure!
As under the moss the mould doth lye,
And under the mould is mony,
So under her waist her belly is placed -
And under that, her cunny.
3. My mistress is a morn in May,
Which drops of dew down stilleth:
Where’er she goes to sport and play,
The dew down sweetly trilleth.
As under the sun the mist doth lye,
So under the mist it is sunny,
So under her waist her belly is placed -
And under that, her cunny.

4. My mistress is a pleasant spring,
That yieldeth store of water sweet,
That doth refresh each wither’d thing
Lies trodden under feet.
Her belly is both white and soft,
And downy as any bunny,
That many gallants wish full oft
To play but with her cunny.
5. My mistress hath the magick sprays,
Of late she takes such wondrous pain
That she can pleasing spirits raise,
And also lay them down again.
Such power hath my tripping doe,
My pretty little bunny,
That many would their lives forego,
To play but with her cunny.

 

 

A lot of men like cunts.  Some women like cunts.  All women have cunts.  A great majority of people came from cunts.  Cunts are an important part of Wicca and Paganism.  Despite all this, and the literary and musical evidence presented above, cunts and coneys are not linked in the way many people (myself included) think.  In college, my history of the English Language professor told us that the word cunt was derived from the word coney, an older word for rabbit or hare, and rabbit words like conejo, that have Latin roots .  I believed her.  I had no reason not to.  In fact, I’ve propagated that misinformation on many occasions.  However, according to Karl Hagen, in his article “The Etymology of ‘Cunt’”, this is not the case.  If you’re up for some English geeky reading, check out the article: http://www.polysyllabic.com/?q=node/77

Despite this, there is a certain fascination with cunts and an unmistakable link to rabbits, cats, beavers, and other animals.  Is it just because all of the above are furry unless shaved or that all of the above like to be petted (I don’t really know about outside beavers, but my beaver likes to be petted)?  It’s a curious rabbit hole to go down upon.  Perhaps, just like the animals associated with the cunt, the ladies who possess them can be quite fun to “hunt”!  
In this new series, we’ll be exploring several things: rabbits and hares in nonexistent modern Pagan mythology, hunting/fishing/and trapping and how it fits in with Paganism and the Wiccan Rede, fur fetishes, and PETA. 
As I said above, a great majority of humans originally transitioned from their mother into this world via a cunt, and a great majority of humans were made when their mother’s cunt received their father’s penis.  To the ancients, cunts were something of a mystery.  Life sprang from them.  They were spots of great pleasure and great pain.  They could bleed with out actually being injured.  The mysteries behind the cunt were blended with other mysteries of the world, which were attributed to the Goddess–since science wasn’t there to explain away everything.
The exposed cunt became a fertility symbol in many cultures that would be openly displayed and honored along with images of penis.  Even today, fertility in one form or another drives everything, just as it did in ancient times.
Irish Sheila Na Gig
But in time, science did develop and start to explain away all the mysteries of the cunt, and the Goddesses behind the mystical cunt were gradually forgotten.
Scientist even started recording cunt anomalies.  The largest cunt thought to exist belonged to Anna Swan, a giant from Scotland.  Interestingly enough, she also bore the largest baby ever born.

So, if you enjoy simple country pleasures, go hunt a cunt and honor the Goddess in the simplest and purest way possible–fuck her silly!
These folks appreciate the mysteries of the cunt:
Erotic Sensations http://eroticsensations.us/

 

 

Squeeze My Melons and Plow My Furrow, Part 8: Urban Homesteading

When most people hear the word “homesteader”, an image of Laura Ingalls Wilder or some similar personage pops into their head.

Some people may be a little more hip, and conjure up an image of a Mother Eather living in a sod house run by solar energy. While the first image was valid in the 1870′s, and the second in the 1970′s, neither image is a very valid representation of the urban and suburban homesteaders of today.
Urban/suburban homesteading is the keeping of animals and gardening for self-sufficiency in an urban or suburban environment. What most urban homesteaders do today, three to four generations ago would have been considered matter-of-fact. It was not unusual then for even the most urban of dwellers to have two or three chickens caged up waiting to go into the pot. Everybody grew something, even if it was only tomatoes in pots on the fire escape.
Urban homesteading is often called “micro-farming” because it uses minuscule plots of land to their fullest. Homesteaders do this by utilizing miniature, pygmy, and bantam breeds, raising livestock that require little space, gardening in raised beds, using the square foot method of organization, and employing companion planting. Chickens, rabbits, and bees are popular species that are kept on urban homesteads due to their minimal space requirements and the farm products that are produced from them.

Make sure when you start planning your back yard or rooftop homestead to research your area’s laws and ordinances regarding livestock in the city limits. While more and more cities and towns are recognizing the importance of backyard livestock, there are still many areas that don’t allow chickens, much less larger animals like goats, and some of these municipalities even have bee bans.  If you slaughter your own livestock, which in keeping with Pagan ideals, I highly suggest you do, you should also research your area’s ordinances about disposal of dead animal parts.  Some areas want you to bury the remains, while other areas want you to incinerate them or take them to a special landfill.  Most cities will not allow you to set up a bone project in your back yard.  They frown on charnel houses.

Bees are incredibly easy to keep in an urban environment, and they add an interesting element to many Pagans’ spirituality.  The insects have traditionally been viewed as messengers, but I stated above, some places do not allow bees.  For more information on starting your own urban hive, click here.   Urban bees tend to have an easier time surviving since so many gardens are planted with early and late blooming exotics and there are numerous water sources from fountains to sprinklers.

So, this all sounds vaguely interesting?  Call upon your favorite pastoral deities, and head to the feed store and live stock auctions!

Check out the eggs laid by these chickens:
Erotic Sensations:  http://eroticsensations.us/
Tonia Brown: www.thebackseatwriter.com
CoverYouHair.com:  http://www.coveryourhair.com/index.php?&aff_id=137&banner_id=3