Christian food is nourishing too!: A Pagan Service Announcement

Right now, there are many people in America who are struggling to make ends meet and feed their families.  Some of these people are Pagans, Heathens, and other non-Christians.  Often times, people decide that they do need assistance from agencies other than those run by the state and federal governments.  In many areas, these agencies are run by Christians.  Some non-Christians take offense to this and act in foolish and pig-headed ways.  If you and your family are starving and freezing, you are stupid not to take whatever help is offered–even if you have to smile and listen to someone tell you about the joys of Jesus.

What you find at a Pagan food bank.

Despite what you may have heard or what you may believe, Christian food is just as nourishing to you as it is to a Christian.  You will not burst into flames if you eat it.  Likewise, Christian emergency fund money will pay your electric bill just as efficiently as anybody else’s legal tender.  Also, despite what you may have heard or what you want to believe, many Christian run food banks don’t care what your religious beliefs are, nor will they refuse to help you if you are not a Christian.  Some places will indeed ask if you have taken Jesus as your Savior, but often times answering “no” will not mean you won’t get food.  Usually people are denied food at these places because when asked about their beliefs they become belligerent, defensive dumbasses that care more about proclaiming their Pagan beliefs than feeding their children.

If you are questioned about your religious beliefs at a Christian food bank, there are many ways to politely respond to their questions without being a hungry asshole.  If someone asks you if you know Jesus or if you have taken Jesus as your Savior, you can say, “No, but I’m open to hearing a little more about him,” or you can say “I feel that I’m just not ready to take that step yet.”  Both of these responses are truthful to your beliefs and they are respectful to the Christians.  You may get preached at a little or get handed a tract, but isn’t that just a small price to pay for not having to buy groceries with money you don’t really have?  If you get asked if you have been Saved, just reply with an honest “No” and let it go (unless you come from a Presbyterian background, then you can honestly answer that you’re predestined).  If you are asked if you believe in a Heaven or Hell, don’t launch into a diatribe about how you don’t believe in Hell or how wonderful the Summerland is going to be.  Just simply respond, “I’m not sure, but I would love to hear about your belief in Heaven and Hell.”  There’s no harm done in listening, and before you know it, you’ll have your groceries in the car and your emergency fund money in the electric company’s bank account!

If you have noticed, you’ve not once had to say that you’re Pagan (or other non-Christian religious adherent).  If you’re smart and sensitive to your surroundings, you will not wear obvious Pagan jewelry or t-shirts at the Christian food bank, and you’ll have enough sense to cover up any Pagan tattoos.  What should you do if a Christian says,  “It doesn’t sound like you’re a Christian, what religion are you?”  As with all the previous answers, the perfect answer is simple and leaves room for the Christian to proselyte if he/she wishes too.  Try answering in this manner: “I follow a Nature-based belief system that has great respect for all the religions and believes that many paths are valid, including Christianity.”  Or, you can give the simplest answer of all: “I’m non-denominational.”

How can you find food banks in your area?  The easiest way is to call your local Health Department, Agricultural Extension Office, or Department of Social Services.  Just tell them that it’s been a hard month and you need some temporary assistance with food.  If you don’t feel comfortable with this, lie and say you’re calling on behalf of a friend.

Usually you are denied food because with the bad economy nobody is donating food.

In a related bit of advice:  If you receive any sort of state or federal assistance, whether it’s Medicaid, SNAP, or Pell Grants, don’t be a dumbass and complain in public (like on social networking sites) about how much you hate certain local industries just because they irritate you, i.e. the Christmas tree industry or tourism.  The tax money from these industries helps to pay the public assistance that you’re receiving, and nobody feels like their tax money should go to you when all you do is appear to be an ungrateful brat who needs his or her ass beat!

These folks know all the right responses!

Passion And Soul:

Knotjokin Rope Floggers:

Tonia Brown

Just Smack Me!: