Hard At Work

I’ve been hard at work on some really interesting, titillating, gritty blogs.  However, I need your help!  I am looking to interview the following people:

  • Hunters
  • Fur Fetishists (either it turns you on or you wear a fox tail hanging off your ass at Pagan festivals)
  • Brewers
  • Wine Makers
  • Mead Makers
  • Moonshiners (or more legally, distillers)
  • Renegade gardeners
  • Squatters
  • Folks who have their Red Wings (and not the boots)
If you are one of these people, and you’d like to be interviewed for an upcoming blog, please email me at chirp_sparrow@yahoo.com.  Remember, you can use an alias or be anonymous.
I’ve got some great future entries in the works.  Coming Tuesday will be the Ostara Egg blog.  After that there will be a review of Tonia Brown’s new summer read, “Bad Ass Zombie Road Trip“, as well as a review of the DYI sex toy site.  I’ll be finishing up my series on food soon and moving on to a series about Aqua Vitae.  I’m also working on an entry about hair and playing with clamps and clips.  Look for all that soon.
Make sure that you enter for this month’s giveaway!  The details are at the bottom of the page.  Next month’s giveaway will only be open to people are public followers of the blog, so make sure you join NOW!  The giveaway is being sponsored by our good friends at Sub-Shop.  Make sure you check out their page and buy something nice.
If you’re looking to connect with the blog socially, make sure you check out the social networking entry.

Squeeze My Melons and Plow My Furrow: A Figging Detour!

Please take just a little detour over to the “Oh My” section to see how to incorporate ginger into your play and rituals (scroll down to “Spice Up Your Life–Or Sear It Into Your Being”):
And then come back to read the rest of the blog.  Thanks!

If you decide that you really like figging, or if you just really like sipping ginger tea, making ginger bath scrubs, eating stir fry, and baking gingerbread cookies, then you may want to consider growing your own ginger.  By growing your own, you can impart your own magical intent into the roots, and you can be certain that your ginger is organic.  Ginger is really easy to grow in buckets on the porch or balcony or inside in pots.  Because ginger is a root crop, it should be planted in the dark of the moon in the early spring.  So, plan this project for that odd day or two just before the new moon.
According to Deb Brown, professor emeritus of the Department of Horticultural Science at the University of Minnesota, ginger can be grown from ginger root bought in the super market.  This is the perfect thing to do with your left over ginger from figging.  Because really, unless you’re in the early stages of pregnancy or undergoing chemo, how much ginger tea are you really going to drink? (If you didn’t know, ginger tea soothes a nauseated stomach.  Try it next time you drink too much.)  Since it is a tropical plant that needs a long, warm growing season to produce mature roots, ginger should be grown in pots in doors in temperate climates.
What you need: a container 14-16 inches across and at least that deep with drainage holes in the bottom, potting soil and slow release fertilizer.  Make sure that the potting soil drains but still retains some moisture. You don’t want your rhizomes (ginger hands) to dry out or rot.
Put the soil and fertilizer in the pot.  Plant the rhizome horizontally 1 inch deep.  Water the pot well and place your plant inside in a sunny spot until nighttime temperatures rise above 50 degrees Fahrenheit.  Your ginger plant needs heat, humidity, and dappled sunlight (think about the light coming through trees in the woods).  It should only receive direct sunlight early or late in the day.  Always keep the soil moist but not soggy (or you’ll have rotten ginger).  Like most plants, ginger will die back once the weather turns cold.  When this happens, it’s time to harvest your ginger and have a little fun with figging.  Scrub your harvested rhizomes with a potato brush and store them in a plastic bag with holes in it.  In addition to being refrigerated, ginger can also be frozen for later use.

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Squeeze My Melons and Plow My Furrow, Part 3: Honey, I Hit Dinner–Vehicular Hunting

Some people buy turkey breast at the store.  Some people purchase a whole turkey from a CSA farmer.  Some people hunt turkeys in the spring.  Lee hits turkeys with his truck, brings them home, and eats them.
Lee practices vehicular hunting, which is when a person intentionally or unintentionally hits an animal with their vehicle and then takes it home to eat.  This is different from the mean motherfuckers who purposely swerve to hit cats, or the fringe eaters who take home found road kill to consume.  Vehicular hunters simply choose to hunt animals with their vehicles as the opportunity presents itself.  Lee is not only a vehicular hunter, but he’s also Pagan.
Lee, who has been hunting this way for 17 years, first realized the ideas for vehicular hunting when he was 13 and his mother hit a rabbit.  Instead of just leaving it in the road, she stopped and took it home for supper.  Three years later he got his first chance to try it.  
I was driving home from work one day, taking the back roads as always (back then we still had plenty of dirt roads) when I saw a hen turkey crossing the road. I floored it, and the turkey began to run on across the road, so i swerved to hit it. (You don’t swerve on a dirt road going 55.) I lost control of the car, and the car went spinning around in the road coming to a stop, hitting a mail box, sending the mail box flying up in the air, and landing beside my car. I jumped out to see how bad I was in the ditch. I was lucky. I jumped back in and hauled ass home. That’s when the fever hit me.”

While a turkey was Lee’s cherry animal, since then he has hunted with his vehicle rabbits, deer, more turkeys, and an accidental owl.  Lee isn’t sure how many animals he has in his kill count.  ”How many times have you masturbated?” Lee responded,”It’s the same.. .you don’t keep count.”
Lee’s connection to the Divine has played a part in his hunting practices.  Following in the footsteps of his God, he continues to hunt with his vehicle. 
“Most gods were opportunist gods. I know mine was,” Lee contends.  ”If he had a truck that could graze a hare and kill it, he sure would of been in one and hung his rabbit stick from the rear view mirror. Shit! He would be sailing down the road with a nymph sucking his cock and two more nymphs in the back seat of his extended cab waiting their turn, a big 24oz of beer in the holder, smoking a big doobie, jamming to David Allan Coe, with his hounds on back of the truck, tongues flapping in the wind–and a jar of ‘White’ stashed under his seat. Yep, that’s my god.”

Because vehicular hunting is highly illegal, with legal ramifications ranging from heavy fines to losing your vehicle, Lee cautions to keep your kills to yourself.  He knows of several folks who have been caught. ”Keep something to cover/hide the animal under,” Lee advises, ” it’s illegal as hell. And they will fine you. Never swerve to hit an animal. Always keep straight and down gear.”
Happy Hunting!

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Squeeze My Melons and Plow My Furrow, Part 2: Eat Me!– Corporal Cakes and Ale

“May you never hunger.”

Food and sex have always been linked for me. I love licking things off of flesh, letting the natural human salt taste mingle with the flavors of the edible. I also have certain types of food that I like after sex. I like low alcohol content beverages (like beer or wine), something salty, something greasy, and some sort of protein–preferably something raw or rare. For example, beer, super rare steak, runny eggs, and heavily buttered toast is the perfect post orgasm meal for me. I think it has to do with the primal urges that are evoked during sex and our body’s natural urge to replace spent calories. It also helps me to ease down slowly from the endorphin high, instead of crashing down quickly with unpleasant emotional turmoil.
In Wicca, and in some other Pagan religions as well, there is the practice of cakes and ale. Traditionally the cakes were actual cakes that were blessed and then passed around with the sentiment, “May you never hunger.” However, now it’s any sort of food. In many groups, one person will feed the person next to them as they say the wish, and on around the circle. To balance it out, a communal cup is often passed, with once again one person holding it while the other person drinks from it as the cup bearer whispers, “May you never thirst.” While these two wishes are rooted in the not so distant past when survival was not certain due to a very probable lack of food and liquid, the custom of feeding your neighbor and bearing their cup reminds me of a wedding feast, where the bride and groom feed each other and entwine arms for the bridal toast. And in a certain sense it is like a wedding feast. A lot of Wiccan groups, and to a lesser extent other Pagan groups, will plunge an athame into the communal chalice that is about to be passed. Usually (but not always), the athame is plunged by the high priest, while the high priestess holds the cup. This is a very visual but family-friendly version of Hieros Gamos, or Holy Sex (which will be covered more in depth at Beltane).

While sex and food is not an unknown concept to most people (most of us have done body shots or eaten whipped cream off of a partner), and practicing Wiccans are intimately familiar with cakes and ale and perhaps even the more exotic and blasphemous chocolate and coffee rituals, a lot of couples never think to merge the two practices together, even if they engage in regular ritual sex. So, to inspire your rituals and tantalize your taste buds, I’ve compiled an extensive list of foods to whet your appetite.
The Pantry
The most obvious way to incorporate food and sex into your rituals is oral sex. For me, some one performing really nice cunnilingus on me gives me the same feeling I get when I eat a hot, fresh Krispy Kreme doughnut straight from the deep fryer. It can be a lot of fun to reciprocate the favor by sliding a Krispy Kreme Doughnut onto a nice erect penis, and take my mouth and run my tongue….well, I’m sure you can imagine I what I like to do.

Fellatio and cunnilingus are both wonderful ways to eat out the cakes and ale section of a ritual. Orgasms can give your ritual that last extra oomph and are a good way to ground and release extra energy. Plus, semen (and perhaps feminine fluids too) are chocked full of vitamins and nutrients that your body needs. Sex juices are also a very fitting libation to your Deities that will never be rejected (unless you worship a virgin, then just masturbate and offer up your own fluids). To make oral sex extra special, work in tandem and go for 69–a very magical number.

Flavored lubricants can be used to enhance the experience, or you can raid your kitchen for suitable flavors. Unsolidified Jell-o works well, as does jellies, syrups, and live yogurt, particularly if you’re putting flavors in a vagina. I would recommend being careful introducing foreign liquids to your or a partner’s vagina because of the risk of infection. Live yogurt, however, is relatively safe since it can be used to make a home remedy to combat yeast infections. Edible underwear and lingerie, which adds the same sort of excitement as flavored lubricants, can be be made with fruit leather (more commonly known as fruit roll-ups). Some of the commercial fruit leather now come with cut-outs, which can add a sweet cuteness to your ritual. I personally like the ones with star cut-outs because of course my vagina should be the star of the ritual!

Body altars are a fun way to mix sex, food, Paganism, and BDSM. This can be done with just partners, but it’s more fun if it’s in a group situation. First choose a person to be the altar. It’s nice if this person has showered (Eating off dirty people is like eating off of the floor. Unless you’re playing bitch, it’s not a lot of fun.).

It’s ideal if this person is the altar for the entire ritual, as was discussed in the bastinado entry. The possibilities are fairly endless. For beginners, the cakes can be eaten off of the person and body shots (or non-alcoholic juice shooters) can be used for the ale. To make things more interesting and to add in more magic, the body altar can be turned into a cake. Coat the body with frosting and then decorate. Icing can be used to apply sigils

A variation on the body cake idea is a body mandala. A mandala is an intricate, often symmetrical design that is created to be used as a meditation aid with the understanding that it will be destroyed after creation. Often the creation of the mandala is part of the meditation. With a corporal mandala, icing, whipped cream, honey and other syrups, colored sugar and sprinkles, and pretty much anything edible can be placed on the person’s flat body in intricate, symmetrical patterns. Once the design is completed, the participants can engage in a free form meditation that is then continued as the mandala is consumed.
Funky Foodie Blog

When planning out your cakes and ale with a body altar, don’t forget about the supposed aphrodisiac effects of seafood. Oysters, sushi, sardines, and other maritime delights can be put on the menu. If you’re doing a love spell, especially one that invokes Aphrodite, scallops would be an appropriate choice since she rode the waves on a scallop shell. Raw seafood, like oysters, will be covered more in depth in an upcoming entry in this series.
With body altars and mandalas, don’t forget the emotional and spiritual needs of the person whose body is being used. This type of service brings along its own meditations and spiritual insights for the person, and the altar should be encouraged to share his/her experience after or during the ritual.

My favorite way to incorporate food into ritual is through S&M and bondage. Here, as with the other suggestions, there are infinite possibilities and combinations. As the above photo suggests, hot sauce is always a favorite, although beware of putting hot sauce on delicate surfaces as it’s very caustic. However, the capsicum in hot peppers, when ingested, triggers your brain to produce endorphins–the same chemical that is produced during sex and BDSM play.
A sweet way to incorporate some kink with food is with licorice and Twizzlers. There’s a reason why licorice is often described as being in ‘ropes’ or ‘whips’. Long strands of the candies can be used for edible (but not durable) bondage, and the strands sting more than you may imagine. Single strands can be used, like you would a belt, or multiple strands can be used together as an edible scourge. While candy is nice, I usually need something more spicy and stout. Long meat sticks, like Slim Jims, fits this need. Meat sticks have more of a thud than the candy, but are still flexible enough not to break easily. I prefer to use the Jack Links meat sticks because they are a little thicker than Slim Jims, can when applied in rapid succession are strong enough to take your breath away and leave vivid marks.

Food, probably for eternity, has been used as marital aids. Just think about the shape of a carrot or cucumber. Just like shepherds with their sheep, I hear that vegetable farmers, particularly watermelon farmers, enjoy a little veggie love from time to time. One of my readers, when she learned of my research into this field, directed me to Homemade Sex Toys.com . This site has a plethora of ideas and how-tos. I’ll be reviewing the full blog in a future entry.
Language of Flower correspondences for fruits, vegetable, herbs,nuts, and spices
Allspice,  Compassion          AlmondIndiscretion                    AppleTemptation
BasilHatred                     Currants,  You please all                Corn,  Riches
CitronIll-natured beauty, sadness                                         ClovesDignity
Saffron,  Mirth                    FigProlific                                 FilbertReconciliation
FennelWorthy of all praise, Strength                                    GooseberryAnticipation
LettuceColdheartedness            LemonZest                       MintVirtue
MushroomSuspicion                  OreganoBirth                    Plum,  Privation
PersimmonBury me amid nature’s beauties                          ParsleyFestivity
PomegranateFoolishness                   Pineapple,You are Welcome, You are perfect                    
Peach,  Your qualities, like your charms, are unequalled                     PearAffection
RaspberryRemorse                        RhubarbAdvice                         RocketRivalry
RosemaryRemembrance                Strawberry,  Perfect goodness
SageEsteem, Health                     SpearmintWarmth of sentiment            ThymeActivity
TurnipCharity                               TruffleSurprise                                   WalnutIntellect

As with any sort of S&M and or sex ritual, be responsible.  Use safe words and condoms and respect boundaries.  No under aged participants or spectators.  Outdoor sex should be on private property.  Bondage should allow for blood flow.  If you break skin, use first aid to treat it and clean your equipment properly.  And for heaven’s sake, avoid the spine and kidney area!

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Squeeze My Melons and Plow My Furrow, Part 1: Falling In–The Perils of Dumpster Diving

Unless a last minute Voodoo interview comes through, the “Blessed Be Thy Feet” series is over. I know that some of you are tired of feet but that some of you will be sad to see them walk away. The next series that I am writing (with other fun stuff interspersed) may seem a little too granola for the appetites of some of you, but it give a chance. This series may turn out to be grittier than you anticipate.

I have a confession to make. A lot of my food comes from dumpsters. In fact the fruit bar that I’m munching on right now came from a dumpster. No, my food is not rotten, but it has been discarded. I’m occasionally part of a loose, unofficial network of folks who watch for inventory turn over in stores, gather up the discarded inventory outside of the store, and then distribute it to folks. I’ve always loved discarded treasures, and as everybody’s economic situation has started to suck, many other people are discovering just how much waste is out there for the taking if you can put aside the connotations that our nation has with the word “dumpster.”
While homeless people do dumpster dive, a growing number of the dumpster divers in urban and suburban areas are people who have homes and even jobs but who are opportunistic. Then there are the Freegans. “Freegan” is a marriage of “free” and “vegan”. These folks don’t eat meat or animal products and feel that things should be as free as possible. Basically, if you’re willing to lower your standard of living to the level that most of the world’s population lives at, then in America you can usually survive on free, found food and items, and you have unlimited free time to be a Communist and give back to the community. The Communist part isn’t quite accurate, but you get the picture. The Freegans have been instrumental in educating the public in the laws about discarded items, organizing meet-ups and scavenging groups, and being public advocates for squatters’ rights. Their website is an invaluable source for anyone curious about dumpster diving and partaking of all the free food left behind stores.
Some Freegans and non-affiliated dumpster divers are Pagan. As the Rede says, “An it harm none, do what thou will,” and acquiring free food fits right in with this belief. In most localities, items left in a dumpster or by a dumpster is seen as discarded and no longer the property of the entity that discarded it. So, in other words, you’re not stealing. The only exception to this is in fenced in areas. Even if the police do not arrest you for stealing, they can arrest you for trespassing in fenced areas.

One such Pagan is Glen, who started dumpster diving thirteen years ago when a friend took him along for a dive. The proceeds from the sold items that were scavenged from that first dive were used to pay the rent for the friend’s Pagan supply shop. After his dumpster cherry was popped, Glen went dumpster diving several times a year, but during the economic collapse of the last three years, he has increased his activity to once or twice a week.
Not only was Glen hit hard by the failing economy, but so were the people around him, Pagan and non-Pagan. “I saw that a lot of the stuff I was getting I could help people with.” That’s when his private distribution program started.
According to Glen, the best places to look for discarded merchandise are major chain department stores that do not have a trash compactor. Other good stores to visit are food stores that are large enough to have the capacity to sustain a loss. Also, be on the look out for stores that have half empty shelves. It is very likely that the store is taking inventory and removing out-of-date or broken merchandise. That merchandise has to go somewhere, and it might as well go in the trunk of your car instead of the landfill.
In addition to finding the right stores to scavenge, Glen admonishes that new divers remember common courtesy. “If a dumpster has a lot of stuff in it, leave some for the next guy. Don’t be greedy.” This courtesy is part of an unspoken code that has enabled him to trade products with other divers.
While many new and potential divers may be worried about 5-0 trouble, as I wrote above, dumpster diving is not illegal in most areas as long as the dumpster area is not fenced in. “I’ve only been approached one time,” Glen admitted,  ”and that was this year by the Belmont Police, but they are scavenger friendly.” They looked through his saved items, but didn’t really hassle him or confiscated anything.

Without Glen’s scavenging, his family and many others would have very lean tables and austere lives. In the last four years, Glen conservatively estimates that he has saved $10,000-$20,000 on food and household products. Recently, he came across six Keurig coffee machines and several hundred pods of coffee, tea, and hot chocolate. One machine alone often sells for a hundred dollars or more. All that was wrong with the machines was that the cords were a little damaged. The damage was easily fixed with electrical tape. The only thing that were wrong with the pods was that someone had opened the packaging in the store but not the pods themselves.
His biggest single haul was worth a little over $3,000 and helped not only his family but 9 other households. Many of the households that Glen distributes food to are in his Pagan group, but some are just folks that others have referred to him. Some of the households helped receive government food assistance, but many of them have head of households that are just employed enough to not qualify for assistance but not employed enough to make ends meet each month. His food distribution has helped bridge that gap.

“I keep in mind my group’s needs and the group member’s needs. I’ll put stuff back [into the dumpster] to be able to take what the members need. I feel like a year-round Befano. I get a lot of joy from seeing the look on people’s faces when they get something they’ve really wanted or needed.”
Because of Glen’s generosity, thriftiness, and intrepidness, I often get to eat really nice meals made up of fresh and dry food items that nobody had to pay anything for more than the price of gas to go and get. I also get to sip my single serving fancy coffee while I shave my legs and other sweet spots with new razors and dry off with warm towels (as if I would have ever in a million years bought either a Keurig coffee machine or a towel warmer!).

How to get started dumpster diving–tips from Glen and others
  • Locate stores that are appropriate for dumpster diving. Please see the above criteria.
  • Always go with a friend or two. This is not only for safety but also because sometimes you need help lifting and loading items.
  • Stay away from buildings that store items outside, like a garden center. Police often view these stores the same way that they view stores with fences. Plus, how easy will it be to prove that you were only taking stuff from the dumpster and not stealing stored merchandise if you’re questioned?
  • If possible, recruit friends who work inside of the stores that you visit. This can be a store employee or someone who is regularly in the store (like independent data collection associates). They can tip you off when the store is trading out old merchandise for new and when the store usually takes items to the dumpster. However, be warned–make sure that you can trust this friend and that you are careful that your actions do not compromise the friend’s job.
  • Drive a vehicle that has either has a trunk or other storage space to haul your finds. Also make sure that all insurance and registration on the vehicle is up-to-date. You want to minimize the things a police officer may hassle you about.
  • Always wear gloves and boots or other closed-toed shoes, and make sure to carry hand sanitizer, flash lights or headlamps, trash grabbers, and a home-made hook. Glen likes to carry a golf club with a hook attached.
  • Pick well lit dumpster areas. Going to dark places looks suspicious.
  • Establish a route and a regular time. Working a regular route is advantageous because the folks watching you (and there are always folks watching you) will get use to seeing you and realize that you are not a thief or a vandal. The same applies for choosing a regular time. You can go at night, which is what Glen does, or you can go during the day, which is what his father-in-law does. If you go during the day or shortly after closing, you are more likely to find discarded refrigerated items that are still good. Unopened milk is usually good several days after the use-by date. Packaged cheese is usually good several months after its date.
  • Develop a good sense when to be honest and when to fib. It’s usually advantageous to be up front with police officers, but it’s often best to fib to store personnel who may catch you in the act. The line, “This ____________ is for my pets (or rescued animals),” is a good one to remember. Some times if they think you are trying to save on pet food, they are willing to let you know when they discard certain items.
  • Don’t be afraid to use magic in your scavenging. Shielding, camouflage, and invisibility spells and amulets are all helpful, as are protection and abundance spells and charms.