May You Never Thirst, Part 1: Dark, Sweet, and Hot!

This is the beginning of a whole new series.  The last series was mainly about food; this series is mainly about drinks.  If you’re a Pagan mead brewer, or just a regular person who makes mead, please email me:
By the way, if you’re a photographer, and you’re worried about your photos being used without your permission on the Internet, then don’t put the fucking picture on the Net or at the very least, water mark the bitch!
By Mistress Marmot

Espresso, percolators, French presses, K-cups, instant and good ol’ plain drip coffee. Nothing wakes you up like a cup o’ joe. And whether you make it yourself or have a local coffee shop employee to make it for you, it provides a sense of comfort akin to Mom’s chicken soup or warm chocolate chip cookies.

I’m a career barista (as in, yes, I do this for a living) at a major well-known coffee shop chain. I started working with coffee after I developed a severe daily habit for expensive lattes and the sort. Working 80 hours a week means that coffee is with you most of your day. Eventually the people at my local shop offered me a job and as it turned out, the benefits were better than what I was getting as a bank teller. Seven years later I’m still schlepping caffeine and still enjoying it. The term baristais Italian in essence, it basically means “bar person” in reference to the Italian custom of having coffee bars. So, your local coffee shop girl is your all day bartender! I could talk all day about the training, finer points and skill set of a barista, but let’s just cover the basics of brewing a great coffee at home.

I’ve got quite a few tips for you in order to perfect your coffee at home. The 4 major aspects of a good cup of coffee are freshness, water, grind and temperature. If you can buy your beans whole and grind at home or grind at the point of purchase, I HIGHLY recommend it. While pre-ground freshness techniques have improved in recent years, grinding as close to the time of brewing is best. And, this will blow your mind: DO NOT PUT YOUR COFFEE IN THE FRIDGE OR FREEZER. “Why?! My grandma always did!” You might exclaim. Your grandma also thinks that black people belong at the back of the bus, that doesn’t mean she’s right. Not only will your coffee absorb odors and pick up unsavory tastes from your fridge, but anytime you open your cold coffee in a warmer room, you invite condensation to accumulate within your coffee container. That moisture settles into the ground coffee and undoes the roasting process. Ideally, put your freshly ground coffee in an airtight container or large Ziploc bag and store in a cupboard. While your prime freshness window is one week from time of grind, you probably won’t notice a severe decline in taste for at least a month. You want your coffee fresh and dry for the next step of brewing.

As much of a pain in the ass as it seems, use filtered or pre-boiled water whenever possible. Slight minerals that you might be accustomed to in your drinking water can have an adverse affect on the natural oils in your coffee. If you are not using a commercial coffee maker, invest in a candy thermometer and make sure that your water is approximately 180-200 degrees before you introduce it to the coffee. What your preferred brewing method is will also determine how fine of a grind you should have for your coffee. Here is a rough breakdown of how fine or course you should have your beans ground based on your coffee maker.
French Presses and percolators need as coarse of a grind as is possible.
A flat bottom metal or paper filter (typical basket style) needs a medium grind. This has the highest surface ratio and therefore it is better if the water passes through the coffee a little bit faster.
Cone-shaped filters will take a slightly finer grind than a flat bottom. This is so that the water sits in the cone longer since there is less surface area.
Espresso machines require a fine grind so that the machine is able to compress the coffee into pucks for the extraction process. Espresso is a concentrated shot that is force brewed quickly.
The finest grind (which may not always be available in some grocery stores) is for Turkish pots. It is extremely fine, almost a powder.

Now that you know how to make a tasty cup, now you can enforce getting it perfectly made everyday! Many BDSM relationships have little customs, rituals or schedules that provide much-needed structure for some submissives. Every person takes their coffee a specific way and nothing says dedication like knowing just how much cream and sugar should go in Master or Mistress’ mug in the morning. And nothing says fun like learning from the mistakes during the process!

Even spilling on the floor is fine, as long as a bare-ass pointed up in the air being hit with a serving spoon while they clean it up provides enjoyment for the whole gang. Along with that, coffee can be used in sleep deprivation scenes or in coffee enemas. Plus, used grounds can be made into facial masks as part of a beauty regime with pampering. Many stores sell fun accessories like serving trays as well. Imagine having your slave prance into your bedroom, the perfect cup of steaming coffee delicately balanced on it. What a way to start your morning, right?

Personally, my favorite aspect of coffee is the serving! I spend all day serving it to the public as my job, and I’ll be damned if I will go home just to do it all again. Nothing says comfort like coming home to some Nina Simone songs, kicking off my shoes, stretching out and having a scantily clad boy bring ME a hot cup of java.

These folks love coffee too:
Erotic Sensations:
Tonia Brown:

Squeeze My Melons and Plow My Furrow, Part 2: Eat Me!– Corporal Cakes and Ale

“May you never hunger.”

Food and sex have always been linked for me. I love licking things off of flesh, letting the natural human salt taste mingle with the flavors of the edible. I also have certain types of food that I like after sex. I like low alcohol content beverages (like beer or wine), something salty, something greasy, and some sort of protein–preferably something raw or rare. For example, beer, super rare steak, runny eggs, and heavily buttered toast is the perfect post orgasm meal for me. I think it has to do with the primal urges that are evoked during sex and our body’s natural urge to replace spent calories. It also helps me to ease down slowly from the endorphin high, instead of crashing down quickly with unpleasant emotional turmoil.
In Wicca, and in some other Pagan religions as well, there is the practice of cakes and ale. Traditionally the cakes were actual cakes that were blessed and then passed around with the sentiment, “May you never hunger.” However, now it’s any sort of food. In many groups, one person will feed the person next to them as they say the wish, and on around the circle. To balance it out, a communal cup is often passed, with once again one person holding it while the other person drinks from it as the cup bearer whispers, “May you never thirst.” While these two wishes are rooted in the not so distant past when survival was not certain due to a very probable lack of food and liquid, the custom of feeding your neighbor and bearing their cup reminds me of a wedding feast, where the bride and groom feed each other and entwine arms for the bridal toast. And in a certain sense it is like a wedding feast. A lot of Wiccan groups, and to a lesser extent other Pagan groups, will plunge an athame into the communal chalice that is about to be passed. Usually (but not always), the athame is plunged by the high priest, while the high priestess holds the cup. This is a very visual but family-friendly version of Hieros Gamos, or Holy Sex (which will be covered more in depth at Beltane).

While sex and food is not an unknown concept to most people (most of us have done body shots or eaten whipped cream off of a partner), and practicing Wiccans are intimately familiar with cakes and ale and perhaps even the more exotic and blasphemous chocolate and coffee rituals, a lot of couples never think to merge the two practices together, even if they engage in regular ritual sex. So, to inspire your rituals and tantalize your taste buds, I’ve compiled an extensive list of foods to whet your appetite.
The Pantry
The most obvious way to incorporate food and sex into your rituals is oral sex. For me, some one performing really nice cunnilingus on me gives me the same feeling I get when I eat a hot, fresh Krispy Kreme doughnut straight from the deep fryer. It can be a lot of fun to reciprocate the favor by sliding a Krispy Kreme Doughnut onto a nice erect penis, and take my mouth and run my tongue….well, I’m sure you can imagine I what I like to do.

Fellatio and cunnilingus are both wonderful ways to eat out the cakes and ale section of a ritual. Orgasms can give your ritual that last extra oomph and are a good way to ground and release extra energy. Plus, semen (and perhaps feminine fluids too) are chocked full of vitamins and nutrients that your body needs. Sex juices are also a very fitting libation to your Deities that will never be rejected (unless you worship a virgin, then just masturbate and offer up your own fluids). To make oral sex extra special, work in tandem and go for 69–a very magical number.

Flavored lubricants can be used to enhance the experience, or you can raid your kitchen for suitable flavors. Unsolidified Jell-o works well, as does jellies, syrups, and live yogurt, particularly if you’re putting flavors in a vagina. I would recommend being careful introducing foreign liquids to your or a partner’s vagina because of the risk of infection. Live yogurt, however, is relatively safe since it can be used to make a home remedy to combat yeast infections. Edible underwear and lingerie, which adds the same sort of excitement as flavored lubricants, can be be made with fruit leather (more commonly known as fruit roll-ups). Some of the commercial fruit leather now come with cut-outs, which can add a sweet cuteness to your ritual. I personally like the ones with star cut-outs because of course my vagina should be the star of the ritual!

Body altars are a fun way to mix sex, food, Paganism, and BDSM. This can be done with just partners, but it’s more fun if it’s in a group situation. First choose a person to be the altar. It’s nice if this person has showered (Eating off dirty people is like eating off of the floor. Unless you’re playing bitch, it’s not a lot of fun.).

It’s ideal if this person is the altar for the entire ritual, as was discussed in the bastinado entry. The possibilities are fairly endless. For beginners, the cakes can be eaten off of the person and body shots (or non-alcoholic juice shooters) can be used for the ale. To make things more interesting and to add in more magic, the body altar can be turned into a cake. Coat the body with frosting and then decorate. Icing can be used to apply sigils

A variation on the body cake idea is a body mandala. A mandala is an intricate, often symmetrical design that is created to be used as a meditation aid with the understanding that it will be destroyed after creation. Often the creation of the mandala is part of the meditation. With a corporal mandala, icing, whipped cream, honey and other syrups, colored sugar and sprinkles, and pretty much anything edible can be placed on the person’s flat body in intricate, symmetrical patterns. Once the design is completed, the participants can engage in a free form meditation that is then continued as the mandala is consumed.
Funky Foodie Blog

When planning out your cakes and ale with a body altar, don’t forget about the supposed aphrodisiac effects of seafood. Oysters, sushi, sardines, and other maritime delights can be put on the menu. If you’re doing a love spell, especially one that invokes Aphrodite, scallops would be an appropriate choice since she rode the waves on a scallop shell. Raw seafood, like oysters, will be covered more in depth in an upcoming entry in this series.
With body altars and mandalas, don’t forget the emotional and spiritual needs of the person whose body is being used. This type of service brings along its own meditations and spiritual insights for the person, and the altar should be encouraged to share his/her experience after or during the ritual.

My favorite way to incorporate food into ritual is through S&M and bondage. Here, as with the other suggestions, there are infinite possibilities and combinations. As the above photo suggests, hot sauce is always a favorite, although beware of putting hot sauce on delicate surfaces as it’s very caustic. However, the capsicum in hot peppers, when ingested, triggers your brain to produce endorphins–the same chemical that is produced during sex and BDSM play.
A sweet way to incorporate some kink with food is with licorice and Twizzlers. There’s a reason why licorice is often described as being in ‘ropes’ or ‘whips’. Long strands of the candies can be used for edible (but not durable) bondage, and the strands sting more than you may imagine. Single strands can be used, like you would a belt, or multiple strands can be used together as an edible scourge. While candy is nice, I usually need something more spicy and stout. Long meat sticks, like Slim Jims, fits this need. Meat sticks have more of a thud than the candy, but are still flexible enough not to break easily. I prefer to use the Jack Links meat sticks because they are a little thicker than Slim Jims, can when applied in rapid succession are strong enough to take your breath away and leave vivid marks.

Food, probably for eternity, has been used as marital aids. Just think about the shape of a carrot or cucumber. Just like shepherds with their sheep, I hear that vegetable farmers, particularly watermelon farmers, enjoy a little veggie love from time to time. One of my readers, when she learned of my research into this field, directed me to Homemade Sex . This site has a plethora of ideas and how-tos. I’ll be reviewing the full blog in a future entry.
Language of Flower correspondences for fruits, vegetable, herbs,nuts, and spices
Allspice,  Compassion          AlmondIndiscretion                    AppleTemptation
BasilHatred                     Currants,  You please all                Corn,  Riches
CitronIll-natured beauty, sadness                                         ClovesDignity
Saffron,  Mirth                    FigProlific                                 FilbertReconciliation
FennelWorthy of all praise, Strength                                    GooseberryAnticipation
LettuceColdheartedness            LemonZest                       MintVirtue
MushroomSuspicion                  OreganoBirth                    Plum,  Privation
PersimmonBury me amid nature’s beauties                          ParsleyFestivity
PomegranateFoolishness                   Pineapple,You are Welcome, You are perfect                    
Peach,  Your qualities, like your charms, are unequalled                     PearAffection
RaspberryRemorse                        RhubarbAdvice                         RocketRivalry
RosemaryRemembrance                Strawberry,  Perfect goodness
SageEsteem, Health                     SpearmintWarmth of sentiment            ThymeActivity
TurnipCharity                               TruffleSurprise                                   WalnutIntellect

As with any sort of S&M and or sex ritual, be responsible.  Use safe words and condoms and respect boundaries.  No under aged participants or spectators.  Outdoor sex should be on private property.  Bondage should allow for blood flow.  If you break skin, use first aid to treat it and clean your equipment properly.  And for heaven’s sake, avoid the spine and kidney area!

Check out these awesome folks: